Posted: July 14, 2008 11:37:42 am
you have relatives that send you emails like this ...
After a careful review of the options for the up-coming election:
(a) A woman who can't handle sniper fire
(b) A black muslim who can't account for his money and wants 'change you can believe in' but never says what the change is
(c) a Republican that doesn't seem to have Republican values
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official
language, speak it or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two-year isolationist posture to
straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Walmart' policy 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you
didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any
other politician will not be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40
hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check
positive/banned for life.
(
Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal,
you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences, if convicted
you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim,
gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
(9) One export will be allowed, Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease,
and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower
taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American
people if they want to do nate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can
make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every
day in Congress.
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies,
sporting events, outings, etc.
Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better
than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for
listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.
God bless America
After a careful review of the options for the up-coming election:
(a) A woman who can't handle sniper fire
(b) A black muslim who can't account for his money and wants 'change you can believe in' but never says what the change is
(c) a Republican that doesn't seem to have Republican values
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official
language, speak it or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two-year isolationist posture to
straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Walmart' policy 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you
didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any
other politician will not be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40
hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check
positive/banned for life.
(
Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal,you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences, if convicted
you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim,
gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
(9) One export will be allowed, Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease,
and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower
taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American
people if they want to do nate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can
make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every
day in Congress.
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies,
sporting events, outings, etc.
Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better
than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for
listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.
God bless America
