Pamela Spencer
I am a 28-year-old Kansas City transplant from Michigan. I am in no way a dating expert. In fact, I often have a love-hate relationship with dating. But when it comes to talking about dating, it's all love.
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Archives
- 2009 (114)
- July (2)
- 3rd: What no one talks about - 7:55 am
- 1st: Tired of waiting - 1:30 am
- June (14)
- 29th: Wet and wild dating - 8:00 am
- 25th: Weekend Date Idea: It's in the hole - 10:15 am
- 22nd: What's the best bar to meet someone? - 3:05 pm
- 21st: Blinding me with science - 7:25 pm
- 19th: What about your friends - 12:25 am
- 18th: Weekend date idea: Do you like to watch? - 2:35 am
- 17th: Hottest and naughtiest bachelors - 6:00 pm
- 15th: Why you should like dating - 11:25 pm
- 11th: Staying positive on KC's dating scene - 12:25 pm
- 9th: Weekend date idea: Eat something - 5:15 pm
- 7th: DJ Jazzy Jeff and the P&L - 4:50 pm
- 4th: You ain't no holla back girl - 2:20 am
- 3rd: Weekend date ideas: Party, party, party - 8:20 am
- 1st: What isn't on Craigslist? - 12:55 am
- May (18)
- 29th: It's a shame - 9:10 am
- 27th: Weekend date ideas: Get your culture fix - 8:35 am
- 25th: Healing heart trumps a cheating heart - 12:55 pm
- 22nd: The big payback - 8:05 am
- 21st: Beer vs. wine - 8:50 am
- 20th: Weekend Date Ideas: Fire and water - 11:40 pm
- 18th: No strings attatched - 5:40 pm
- 15th: "Just friends" - 8:00 am
- 14th: Twitter dating - 8:50 am
- 13th: Single in the Spotlight: Matt O'Barr - 8:50 am
- 12th: Weekend date idea No. 1 - 8:15 am
- 11th: Friend stealers - 9:15 am
- 8th: There's no piece of tail worth this - 8:45 am
- 7th: Tips for daters? - 8:45 am
- 6th: If you need someone to talk to - 8:40 am
- 5th: The science of dating - 8:05 am
- 4th: We'll have to wait on that strip Twister - 9:20 am
- 1st: Sexy advice - 9:05 am
- April (20)
- 30th: Wanna play? - 8:50 am
- 29th: Do opposites attract? - 8:20 am
- 28th: Race and online dating - 8:40 am
- 27th: Let's just cuddle - 7:55 am
- 23rd: Things are about to heat up - 10:10 am
- 22nd: You didn't plan this, did you? - 8:25 am
- 21st: Video speed dating - 8:50 am
- 20th: Fast love - 12:40 am
- 18th: Feeling sexy - 1:50 am
- 17th: 101 ways to get noticed - 7:25 am
- 16th: KC's longest happy hours - 9:35 am
- 15th: A text message for all - 8:50 am
- 13th: Cheap and easy - 9:30 am
- 13th: If you got down and dirty ... - 8:50 am
- 10th: Tell me your worst breakup stories - 9:05 am
- 9th: This is why dating stinks - 9:30 am
- 8th: Stuck in a rut or bringing the ruckus? - 6:05 am
- 6th: Is dating harder when you're smart? - 1:35 pm
- 2nd: Calling all artists - 11:05 am
- 1st: Cheap and easy - 8:35 am
- March (20)
- 31st: Playing some D - 8:25 am
- 30th: Dating by mobile phone - 9:00 am
- 27th: Get served -- like Kansas is going to - 1:15 pm
- 26th: Who's your favorite nerd? - 9:05 am
- 25th: Love and comics - 10:40 am
- 24th: Boy crazy - 9:00 am
- 20th: Did you plan this? - 8:45 am
- 19th: Go Down Together - 9:30 am
- 18th: Sex is not a crime - 2:05 am
- 16th: Girls, girls, girls - 2:00 am
- 13th: Eharmony's gay dating site to launch - 7:55 am
- 12th: Obama loves women, too - 2:40 am
- 11th: Dating in KC is ... - 8:15 am
- 10th: What matters to you? - 8:45 am
- 8th: I love women - 8:20 am
- 6th: Is first love overrated? - 9:20 am
- 5th: Not-so-sexy movie and rope climbers - 7:55 am
- 4th: Love times two and sex and you - 9:00 am
- 3rd: Day of Caring - 9:45 am
- 2nd: The recession and your love life - 2:10 am
- February (18)
- 27th: Love sexy movies? - 11:15 am
- 25th: Cheap eating dates - 6:10 am
- 24th: Not giving it up - 9:00 am
- 23rd: Finding love on facebook - 8:10 am
- 18th: The appeal of jerks - 8:00 am
- 18th: Bristol Palin on teen moms, her mom and sex - 2:05 am
- 17th: Are you in a bad relationship? - 9:00 am
- 16th: Getting busy on the Web - 7:00 am
- 13th: Food, sex and the economy - 9:00 am
- 12th: ... And still hating - 8:35 am
- 11th: For all major haters -- something else to do Feb. 14 - 8:10 am
- 10th: Love in the 'burbs - 7:55 am
- 8th: Romantic eats - 8:05 am
- 6th: SHE's just not that into you - 9:30 am
- 5th: Heavy petting - 9:05 am
- 4th: Did this book change your life? - 7:25 am
- 3rd: Competing couples - 6:15 am
- 2nd: You're a bad kisser and ... - 8:40 am
- January (22)
- 29th: Don't underestimate the power of a good bra - 10:35 am
- 28th: Love in this club - 8:40 am
- 27th: Finding love in the '09 - 8:20 am
- 26th: Off the hook lovin' - 8:30 am
- 23rd: After the wedding - 8:50 am
- 22nd: Get married minus the crazy - 8:35 am
- 21st: Chasing your tail - 8:25 am
- 20th: Older dating - 9:00 am
- 19th: Valentine's Day: Love it or hate it? - 8:00 am
- 16th: Be the rock - 8:45 am
- 15th: Free dating, pricey girl - 8:40 am
- 14th: Get tested - 9:20 am
- 13th: Adult toy story - 9:00 am
- 12th: The sexes and the bars - 9:05 am
- 9th: Guest Blog: How far do I have to go to find love? - 8:40 am
- 8th: Solo vacations - 9:45 am
- 8th: Porn industry stimulus package - 8:10 am
- 7th: Dipping your pen - 8:45 am
- 6th: More dating resolutions - 8:00 am
- 5th: Her mission for 2009: Get married - 9:05 am
- 2nd: Any room for me in those genes? - 9:15 am
- 1st: Older man, younger woman - 9:30 am
- July (2)
- 2008 (202)
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My aunt once said sex, money and control are three of the biggest things people argue about in a relationship. What do you think? I think I agree to an extent.
My friend is dating this boy. She found out he's bad at some foreplay stuff. Too shy. He has things he won't do unless it's a special occasion. You've heard about the people who reserve certain sexual favors for "birthdays and holidays only." It sounds like he may be like that.
Hmm. It's no crime for women to like sex. And if they are going to become boyfriend and girlfriend, she would want all the perks. Is being bad in the bedroom a deal breaker? Is even being a bad kisser a deal breaker?
We all know you can't get everything you want in dating. If you don't
know that, you should. It's like I read in A New Ladies Man: A
Complete Guide to Getting, Pleasing and Keeping the Girl by Colin
Mortensen:
"Most guys are constantly measuring girls up to a benchmark that
doesn't exist: perfection. The right girl has to have the Perfect
Body. The Perfect Face. The Perfect Personality. The reality is that
there is no perfection."
But what are the things you can't put up with?
Are people who are bad at sex or unwilling to do certain things (and I am not talking about stuff that is super freaky) even more important than dealing with someone who maybe doesn't have breasts (or other body parts) the size that you'd like?
It really is a maturity thing...sorry to say. If the most important stuff to someone with the opposite sex is sex, or what kind of sex, or how the body parts look...ya kinda gotta stop thinking like you did when you were 14. Sex is relationship "candy." What's real is fidelity, honesty, friendship, etc... Even for those who want just this or that or just that way...as soon as they get it, they will get bored with it and on to another. Sorry, ya just gotta grow up
I agree with Paulie to an extent. You have to be mature enough to deal with areas that need improvement. But the other person has to be flexible and willing to compromise to a certain extent.
Bad kissing can be improved upon (but the older you get it the less someone will be willing to deal with a beginner)
Sex is more than just relationship "candy." It's important and you have to be accomodating. Doing something begrudingly on birthdays and holidays is not being accomodating. If something is important to you and your partner doesn't value that, then that's a deal breaker whether it's foreplay, a good spanking or even the water color class you attend.
If a couple broke up because one of them wanted kids and the other didn't, would you tell them to grow up? No, they just ended up not being a good long-term match. The same goes for sexual desires. But performance can always be worked on. Practice makes perfect.
Bad kissing can be improved upon (but the older you get it the less someone will be willing to deal with a beginner)
Sex is more than just relationship "candy." It's important and you have to be accomodating. Doing something begrudingly on birthdays and holidays is not being accomodating. If something is important to you and your partner doesn't value that, then that's a deal breaker whether it's foreplay, a good spanking or even the water color class you attend.
If a couple broke up because one of them wanted kids and the other didn't, would you tell them to grow up? No, they just ended up not being a good long-term match. The same goes for sexual desires. But performance can always be worked on. Practice makes perfect.
Perfection does not exist in this world, so some compromise is essential, or you'll spend the rest of your life either alone or with 100's of cats. What is really important to a person for a relationship? What are the "must have's" and what are the "nice to have's"? Not everyone looks like Brad Pitt or is fortunate to have job security in these economic times. If you've got someone that loves you and has a good heart, who doesn't cheat, brings a paycheck, and is without any felony convictions, that's a good start, eh? A dog can be taught new tricks, so be patient and slowly teach the person how to do those things that make you feel good. But - If he's not interested in trying to learn, and the 'action' is only on certain holidays and a few key days on the calendar, and the relationship isn't going anywhere, then unfortunately it may be time to explore other possibilities.