Sweet transvestites and bum hecklers

Friday night, I attended the outdoor City Market screening of "Rocky Horror Picture Show." Tim Curry in drag = almost as awesomely creepy as Tim Curry in clown makeup. But I digress...

If you're familiar with the low-class classic, you may have heard about the cult tradition of viewer participation. During some screenings, audience members dance the “Time Warp,” chuck hot dogs (and other props) at the screen and shout a canon of callbacks — scripted responses to the film’s dialogue, MST3K-style.

While I’m too cool to engage in such reckless juvenile behavior, I enjoyed the work of those who did. Particularly the guy with the ponytail and the fedora. Rocky Hoarser, I like to call him. Seriously, dude’s voice was cracking by the final number.

There was a pair of bearded bums sitting about ten feet behind me and my friends, and they smelled exactly like McDonald’s trash. I should know, because I emptied it for four years. If you’ve never stuck your head in a fast food dumpster (or have, but repressed the memory), imagine a fermented cauldron of soda and ketchup and cold grease.

Seriously, the odor was so pungent, I couldn’t eat my Raisinettes. But I didn’t mind them being there. After all, we were probably in their bedroom or something. What bothered me was this: When audience members started shouting callbacks, one of the bums mistook it as an opportunity to yell the most vulgar things he could possibly think of.

Example. Fedora dude yells something totally clever that plays nicely into the script. Smelly bum hollers: “I wanna [expletive] your [expletive] [expletive], you [expletive] [expletive]!!!” What’s worse, he followed everything he said with either a barbaric howl or this creepy, guttural, and possibly involuntary growling noise. No social etiquette, this one.

Thankfully, the bums left after 30 minutes. The smell, however, stuck around. But the movie, as always, was glorious. If you like transvestites, cannibalism, and Susan Sarandon, add this rock musical to your Netflix queue tonight. Bonus: a five-minute cameo from Meat Loaf. How can you say no to that?