All I’ve gotta say is, the Blue Springs Fire Department is on top of it. 

On my way to an oil change this morning, I drove past a giant banner unfurled roadside in front of the fire station. It read: “Prevent home fires!”

Close call! It’s a damn good thing I saw that sign. Why, had I taken an alternate route, I might have neglected to prevent a home fire this very evening.

Friday night, I attended the outdoor City Market screening of "Rocky Horror Picture Show." Tim Curry in drag = almost as awesomely creepy as Tim Curry in clown makeup. But I digress...

If you're familiar with the low-class classic, you may have heard about the cult tradition of viewer participation. During some screenings, audience members dance the “Time Warp,” chuck hot dogs (and other props) at the screen and shout a canon of callbacks — scripted responses to the film’s dialogue, MST3K-style.

While I’m too cool to engage in such reckless juvenile behavior, I enjoyed the work of those who did. Particularly the guy with the ponytail and the fedora. Rocky Hoarser, I like to call him. Seriously, dude’s voice was cracking by the final number.

I got nailed by the speed trap on Main and Westport. Apparently there's a school zone there. Did you know that? I do now.

This gal.

Yeah, I said it. "The Greatest Show On Earth" is the greatest pain in my ass. Why?

1. Elephant dung all over the Crossroads.
2. Families clogging up the P&L district when I'm driving my car.
3. Families clogging up the Sprint Center ticket window during the Neil Young ticket sale.
4. Two words: Bello billboards. That dude scares the crap out of me (see above).
5. Little kids wearing clown masks. That's a new kind of scary.

Maybe I'm just jaded because my parents never took me to the circus. But now that I'm all grown up, I wish it would go away. Please. Leave. And never come back.

When I found out Mark Teahen (my second favorite Royals outfielder) would be scooping ice cream Sunday evening for charity at Coldstone on the Plaza, I decided this was my in. (I had to abandon my original plan after my editor dutifully informed me that I could NOT use my press credentials to get into the locker room).

In case you haven't been keeping up with my life (and I don't know why you wouldn't), I've been designing and screenprinting Royals T-shirts. And by T-shirts, I mean T-shirt. So, I decided to let Mark Teahen in on my hobby by making him a one-of-a-kind T-shirt and presenting it to him at his dairy king debut.

I'll skip to the part where I give it to him. He and his lovely girlfriend ambled up to Coldstone Sunday evening, I sprang from my perch outside the ice creamery and handed him the rolled-up T-shirt. "Mark Teahen!' I sputtered. "I made this for you."

I spent 2.5 hours last night (and another 1.5 this morning) listening to the new NKOTB masterpiece, "The Block," released Tuesday. And let me just say, these boys still got it. The right stuff, that is.

I'm not much of an album reviewer, but I know good lyrics when I hear 'em. So, I've picked out the five best gems this album has to offer. See below:

1. From "Don't Cry": "What if God wants to take me away? Oh, you better take me like it's the last time."

I found out on my way to work this morning that I was going to the Pop Tarts Presents American Idols Live 2008 tour. Tonight.

My bff Meghann had a spare ticket and recalled my closeted obsession with David Cook. I had already seen him live a couple of times (once at P&L during David Cook Day in May and once back in 2001 as he performed a short acoustic set in my creative writing class when he and I both attended Blue Springs South.)

Howevs, I can never turn down an oppurtunity to get my Cook on. So we hopped on over to Sprint, elbow-wrestled a sea of cougars and tweeners, snapped up a couple of American Idol foam fingers, and located our kickass seats (about six or seven rows back from stage left).

Dear Mom,

I'm in love. His name is David. He plays baseball. Maybe I'll bring him home to meet you sometime. After I meet him.

Last night, I made this T-shirt to show love for my favorite outfielder. The project took nearly four hours, and I still have powder blue fabric dye under my nails, but it was so worth it. I'm gonna rock it at Kauffman Wednesday when the Royals beat the Oakland Athletics (what kind of name is that, anyway?)

Is there shame in donating blood to get free shit?

Maybe. But who cares? It's FREE SHIT!

I snatched up a pair of Royals tickets this morning, and it only cost me a pint of red.

I learned two crazy things tonight. 

First, I found out that John Tesh is a germaphobe. Did you know that? I didn’t.