Losing your job and losing your friends. What is the world coming to?

This has been a very tough year for the people who know me. In the past, I’ve felt like a blight to those people around me, like a virus that sucks all the good out of their lives and leaves them a worthless husk. Like the grim reaper, only my influence isn’t felt in the death of themselves, just in the death of something they care about.

Lay-offs. Mortgage crisis. Gay marriage. War. Massive companies going out of business and leaving thousands of workers without a place to go to get away from their families. What the hell are we supposed to do?

Let’s look at the weight of the world and let’s use something I’ve mentioned before that it seems someone may have picked up on. That we need to be the change that the world deserves. We need to be the change that we believe in.

So let’s talk about depression. Let’s talk about things that bother each and every one of us and things that should probably be mentioned as things that affect us. And they might affect us in different ways.

But a lot of us face depression in different forms. I myself have faced it on numerous occasions, and it’s become a companion.

The times they are a-changing.

Seriously, big changes are afoot. It's strange right now.

I voted for a presidential candidate who won (and honestly, I'm still a little in shock that it happened this way and I'm still super-excited). But there are so many things going on right now, personally and in the world, that I feel like change might be another topic to blog about today. Tomorrow. Whenever.

It doesn't matter.

Change is here. So let's embrace it.

Embrace change.

It's one of those things that face us everyday.

To open, here's a new quote that I love:

"Rosa Parks sat so that Martin Luther King could walk. Martin Luther King walked so that Obama could run. Obama's running so that we all can fly."

-Jay-Z

75! I cannot believe it. But this one has nothing to do with Halloween or the election or its eventual aftermath. Mainly because I’m still fuming about the top 5 list and how strange it is. This is all about the upcoming season and what it means for us.

And before I start, a shout-out to my spiritual advisor Patrick for the assist on this one.

The scariest film I've ever seen, plus the scariest places I've ever been. All in one blog (because I've gotten pretty notorious for not updating as often as I used to). To all my three fans, sorry. I'm going to try and update more often, but the winds of change are rolling through. We'll see how it goes.

For the scariest film I've ever seen, this side of Requiem for a Dream, is one that a lot of people hold up as there best scary movie. A lot of people still look at this as the Holy Grail of Horror Films.

And no, it's not Halloween.

THE THING

Man is the warmest place to hide

Just watching the trailer again puts chills down my spine.

One of the few times where I really like the remake more than the original. You all know how much I hate remakes. But this John Carpenter film has everything you could ever want from a horror movie. Snow and ice. Isolation. Unknown intruders. You're completely unsure who to trust and who to hate. Cold. Desolation. Fucked up monsters. Awesome music. Kurt Russell. Keith David.

Mr. Diabetes himself: Wilford Brimley.

This is the height of my love for John Carpenter films. While I don't hold Halloween in the same esteem as some people, I do enjoy the film. I love the Thing. Absolutely positively sit and watch Big Trouble in Little China every single time it's on. Can't get enough of Escape from New York. Love the original Assault on Precinct 13. They Live. Memoirs of an Invisible Man. Prince of Darkness. In the Mouth of Madness. Starman. I even liked Escape from LA.

And this is where you all say, wait, aren't you Gooch?

But see, The Thing is the embodiment of all greatness from the 80s, from horror movies, from Kurt Russell, from John Carpenter, from one of the weirdest things ever on film. I still get scared shitless during snowstorms because of this movie. I always will.

And this movie is so far and away better than that bullshit torture porn nonsense that people seem to love so much that it makes me sick. When people say Saw and all the Saw sequels, Hostels, all those awful movies are what horror is supposed to be, it makes me physically ill. I'm not posturing here. This is the scary movie. The one that will make your skin crawl. It doesn't rely on disgusting amounts of blood and gore. It relies on awesome creature effects. Great acting. An amazing soundtrack. Perfect production values.

And that creepy sense that no one is who they seem. As well as cabin fever (not the shit movie with that name, but actual cabin fever from being stuck in the same place for a long period of time).

This is horror at its finest. When my wife and I went to Universal Studios, they had their Halloween Haunts going on. They are pretty fricking awesome. Truthfully. And for the most part, some are genuinely scary. I went to The Thing with high hopes, and they were sadly trounced. Nothing can compare to that movie. Yes, there are goofy moments (like Russell's hat when he flies), but it's an 80s movie. Another one my dad used to desensitize me to the world we live in.

And every year it's the same thing: let's watch the Thing. So, in honor of this tremendous piece of cinema, do yourself a favor. Don't waste money on Saw 17 or any of those ridiculously stupid movies that are coming out (ESPECIALLY Max Payne) and just rent, or hell, even buy The Thing. Best money you'll ever spend.

HAUNTED PLACES:

I've been to a few in my life. I lived in Lawrence for 4 years so I know a few of the haunts in that area. A lot of you have probably heard about the Haskell Indian Nations University being haunted. I've been there. After midnight. It can be a little creepy. Truthfully. I've been to all the haunted houses in the KCMO area, and not a single one ever worked at scaring me.

Same with Worlds of Fun.

The scariest "haunted" house I've ever been to was probably at Universal Studios. My wife was scared shitless, I had to laugh, but there was one particular house that was creepy as shit. Well, two, and if you ever get the chance, by all means, go for it.

Camp Crystal Lake and one related to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Camp Crystal Lake (god that remake looks like dogshit) was insane. It was located where the Jaws ride is (and anyone who knows Mallrats knows how fun that ride was for me). It's right on the water. Water in the middle of the night, damn near midnight or later, is creepy as all hell. Especially when it's so still. And then a giant dude with a machete is staring you down.

Now if you've been to a haunted house, obviously they can't touch you. But you want to re-enact the actions from those movies. If you're a girl, you want to take your bra and panties off and run screaming into the night (I'm assuming). If you're a guy, you want to act tougher than shit and confront Mr. Vorhees just to get a machete shoved between your ears. Or if you're in a wheelchair, the machete would go right in a forehead and you'd then roll backwards down a massive set of stairs. And Kevin Bacon would dance past you in the night.

But it's creepy. And the Texas Chainsaw Massacre is weird. It's kind of based on the newer movie a little bit (one I have never seen and will never see) and obviously there are a lot of freaks in the house. I kept looking for R. Lee Ermey, but to no avail. The reason this one was so strange and freaky was there is an instance where you're walking toward the back of the home and you have to walk through an area where there are plastic sheets hanging and you're walking blind through them. You have no idea where you're going. Sometimes there might be a guy with a chainsaw there. Other times not.

One in particular I brushed aside a plastic sheet, my wife digging her nails into my back, and then boom, chainsaw right in front of me. My fingers ALMOST got taken off. No joke. It was insane. The guy in costume backed off real quick and cringed like he had almost made a huge mistake.

Talk about a great way to spend your honeymoon.

I mentioned Haskell, and I never found it that scary. Same with Stull. I've been to the cemetery. I never trespassed, but we were there. It's creepy in the middle of the night. What with there being absolutely nothing lit up around you, save your own headlights. At least, that was how it was when I was there. But the sake of testing the theory that anything you throw never lands, I threw a glass bottle. It clunked. It didn't break. But it did clunk and land. Now, I know some people say they've thrown things near this gate to hell and never heard anything land, but I don't know. I heard a distinct clunk. That's it.

I've been to scary places. Atchison. Fort Riley. But the scariest place I've ever been was in Grandview I think, it was an old mental institution that had been converted into a convent. It was creepy as all get out. And because I was there "volunteering" with a group of friends, they put us in the attic to clean some of the storage out. That was the scariest place I've ever been in my life. I can't remember what it was called, and I wish I did, but the attic was all kinds of scary. There was a hideaway shaft with ladder where you could climb to the roof. Very old metal doors that were rusted and sealed shut. We could see the fireplace from the inside. And all I could think was how many dead bodies were stuffed up there?

Ha.

And that's it folks for this exciting entry. Next time (depending on when I show up), I might have more info on Halloween. If not, I'm sure I'll be ready to bring it back to our regularly scheduled program. One big thing to keep in mind: The new Eagles of Death Metal album is completely awesome. Worth a listen, worth a purchase, get out there and shake your ass to it.

I really feel like this is a treat. But it could be a trick. Has anyone seen the preview/trailer for JCVD, the insanely awesome looking new Jean-Claude Van Damme movie? When I say it looks insane, I mean it really looks insane.

Click the link below to see something you'd never think in your life you might see. A movie starring Jean-Claude Van Damme that gets critics excited.

Jean-Claude Van Damme's new film JCVD: official trailer

Let it sink in for just a second. Just sit back and think about what you saw.

A film starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. Playing a variation on himself. In a ridiculous situation where he's getting older (which he really is), is having trouble making money with big movies (which he is), and is having real-life dilemmas like custody battles over his children (which he has). It's a semi-biographical look at the life of Jean-Claude Van Damme.

And critics are going insane for it.

In this Halloween season, the reason I said it had to be a trick was because I kept hearing all the hype. Jean-Claude Van Damme made a movie that people love. Critics are going crazy for it. Talking Oscar (NEVER will happen). And being the general cynic and spoilsport that I am, I had to see it for myself.

Like every young man growing up, I had a love of Jean-Claude movies. Bloodsport. Kickboxer. Cyborg. Universal Soldier. Timecop. Double Impact. Lionheart. These were movies that my dad put on TV that I sat and enjoyed. And then he made Street Fighter and his career seemed to go straight down after that (coincedentally, so did everyone else involved in that movie except for the guy who played Geronimo, Wes Studi).

So when I was told by the various news sites that I frequent that it was all that it could be, I had to watch. And watch. And watch.

I've now seen the preview about 20 times. And it looks like a better look inside a Hollyweird personality than What Just Happened with Bruce Willis and Robert Deniro. And it truly excites me to see Van Damme doing something like this.

He's the aged veteran action star. Just like Arnold. Stallone. Willis. They've all aged. Some better than others. But have Stallone and Schwarznegger really mocked their old ways? Have they taken on a role that seems to be so biographical that it might force the viewer to be sad for them or to think that maybe they aren't perfect?

And who would have thought Jean-Claude Van Damme had a movie like this in him? Definitely not me. My brother is the Van Damme fan. He owns just about every movie he's ever been in. Including the crappy DTV ones that keep coming out every 6 months. So when I told him that JCVD looked like a really awesome movie, one that I was excited to see, my brother couldn't help but wonder if I was kidding.

I wasn't.

This is on my list of movies to see this fall. And it's second to only The Wrestler at this point. How weird is that?

More movies? This time more Halloween tinged possibly. Okay, how about another Horroresque movie that probably won't make the list?

Little Monsters

1989.

Fred Savage was on fire that year. From the later on writers of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, the National Treasures, and countless other hit movies (okay like 5 hits and a bunch of crap, but they co-wrote Aladdin, the Disney flick). Co-starring Howie Mandel, Daniel Stern (HA! the dad to Savage's character in this as opposed to his old man voice), Frank Whaley (creepy big brains on Brett from Pulp Fiction), Ben Savage (notice the SavageAnimal connection), Buzz from Home Alone (again playing a Bully), the chaffeur from Blank Check, and one of my first crushes ever was the "love" interest Kiersten.

Such a crazy cool movie. Just watch the trailer.

Little Monsters goofy ass trailer

Trailers used to be short.

And crazy.

But the story of a boy who finds out that there is a secret world under his bed where Monsters reside (made probably more famous by Monsters Inc), Fred Savage tricks Howie Mandel into being his friend monster and gets to go into the world. Where he runs into Snik and a bunch of other craziness.

I remember this movie being super creepy as a kid. I'm sure it sucks now. Having watched the Wizard recently (also from 1989), I realized something, movies we watch when we're kids are just pure crap for the most part.

But this movie held a special place in my heart as a kid. The end song and the beach sequence where Fred calls his parents to apologize for "running away" and to tell them that he is coming home is classic, as is the bum. When Mandel gives the coat to Fred Savage so he has something to remember him by, you get a little tear in your eye remembering what it's like to lose friends as you have to grow up.

When he puts his arm around the girl, you wonder, Jesus Christ was Fred Savage a weird-looking kid.

But in all honesty, this is one of those movies that just sticks in my mind as being a Halloween movie. When Fred and Howie play all the pranks on the parents with the Saran Wrap on the toilets, the ear wax, the cat food sandwich, you have to laugh. And when the other kids get screamed at, you reminisce.

But it's fun. It's goofy. It's a complete 80s movie. And that's the beauty of it. Too bad the next movie scares the utter shit out of me.

Requiem for a Dream

I defy you to find a movie that is scarier than this. Yes, there are movies filled with gore. There are scenes of intense horror in movies like 30 Days of Night or The Thing or the Mist (which will be seen on this list soon enough), but for the sake of all that is holy, no other movie scares the shit out of me more than this movie.

And it boils down to the reality of it.

Fan-Made Trailer for Requiem for a Dream
The actual trailer for Requiem

The movie always comes back to me in some fashion. Usually it's the music. The beautifully amazing music of Clint Mansell and the Kronos Quartet. The wonderful music that will be heard in movie trailers forever and ever from now on. But sometimes it's something much closer to home.

A friend of mine, back around the time when this movie had just come out, was addicted to heroin. He was a great guy, but we all knew he was addicted. We all saw it. He lost weight. He wore long sleeve shirts all the time and long pants. He was gaunt. He looked terrible. He seemed to never sleep. But he was a great guy. When we all found out he was addicted, it was a shock to each and every one of us. We had seen the signs, but until he got in trouble for it, we didn't know what to do.

I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I remember seeing this movie in theaters at the Tivoli. Being blown away by it. Being lost to it. Just blending into that world. And I remember the movie then coming out, getting passed between all of our friends until it finally stopped in his hands. I remember seeing him the night before he watched it and the day after. And I remember the change that took place.

He came to work the next day terrified. He had to change his life. Or he would lose his arm. Or worse.

This movie scared him to leave drugs.

And it's not really a preachy movie. It's just so fucking insane. The imagery of seeing four people devolve to their drug habits. Heroin. Cocaine. Marijuana. And diet pills. It shows them all as equally terrible and destructive, and the movie takes that and runs with it. All four of the main characters in this movie are ruined by their choices, and the reality of what is happening to them is what destroys the viewer.

Seeing Jared Leto shoot heroin into a gangrenous arm is a sight I will never forget. Watching the scene with Ellen Burstyn getting shock therapy will never leave my mind. Nor will that ass-to-ass scene. Or Marlon Wayans running violently down the street in the middle of the night, screaming for dear life.

And my friend never forget either. Last I heard he had a wife and kid. He's been clean for quite a long time. No one is afraid for him.

But anyone who has had someone overdose or had drug problems (I'm sad to say I've been in trouble with them myself) should know that this is just a movie. But it's the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. The book is horrendous to read. It's hard to get through. Because you can see these things happening to people within your circle of friends.

It's still hard to watch. But it's the scariest piece of film I've ever sat through. And it sits near the top of my list of favorite movies. The director is my favorite director all-time. Darren Aronofsky. I'm excited to see his upcoming film The Wrestler, his film The Fountain ranks as my number one favorite movie of all time. Number one. No questions. Nothing (I assume) will ever wrest that spot away.

But this movie is terrifying. And that music will haunt me for the rest of my life.

What are your favorite scary movies? Next time, a few more films should get reviewed as well as some haunted places I've seen and been to in Kansas and Missouri. See you real soon.

This time, we're talking about costumes. Costumes costumes everywhere, what kind of costume do you wear? Yes it rhymes, but you know what, we're talking about Halloween here, so I think it's safe to say that a little dorkiness can be allowed at this juncture.

But seriously folks, as the day is creeping up on us, we're left scratching our heads, and wondering, what do I wear?

What costume accurately portrays me as a human being and allows me to show off for all the people at the party I'm at?

Do I go as something clever, like a light bulb? A red arrow pointing down (real poignant for the times they are a-changing and the stocks they are a-dropping)? Do I dress as a president or a presidential candidate?

Do I dress as my favorite film character, and do I really have time to make a costume for Clarence Boddicker?

For all of us adults, costumes seem to take more work now than they used to. As a kid, I used to dress up and make costumes out of anything in the house. I was Wolverine one year and it involved yellow sweats, blue winter gloves with straws stapled to the gloves and covered in aluminum foil and sheets of construction paper cut out for the black marks on the stomach.

I also used a cardboard box as a turtle shell on at least two occasions and dressed as a ninja turtle.

I went as a Ghostbuster.

I went as a ghost.

I dressed as all the standard things a kid dresses as. I was even a pissed off mail carrier one year, which was a really costume to obtain, truthfully.

It was so much easier as a kid.

Nowadays, I think maybe I should just go as Momar Van Der Camp for H-ween. Maybe I should just become the narrator and disappear into this person that I've created. But where's the fun in that?

So, here are some ideas for costumes that have come up, and some that even might be so do it yourself that you have to do it yourself.

A Lit Cigarette

Fairly simple. You wear all white. White shirt. White pants. Brown shoes. If you want, you can write Marlboro around the bottom of your pant legs to add even more flavor to the cig. And better yet, for the truly lit and ashing look, get some fake hair spray, some of the spray in stuff, and just go to town on your hair with gray hair-spray. And just enjoy the night knowing that the extent of your costume may have included buying a pair of white pants and some hair dye.

Easy right?

You're a cigarette and people will want to actually be around you at this party.

The Dow

A big red arrow, placed on the chest/stomach area, can be used for the stock market, for the housing market, for the job market, or for just a general sense of hope and faith in the American society. Create it with cardboard and construction paper, or just spray paint a big red arrow down your shirt and pants, same scenario. Cheap and easy. Really gets the message across.

Or you could wear a suit and throw a noose around your neck. A lot darker but quick and to the point.

Dillon's Arm from Predator

This is quite a bit more advanced and could take you from finishing reading this blog to the night of Halloween to complete.

Carl Weathers played Dillon with proper gusto in Predator. Now, to be his dismembered arm, you'll probably need a degree in special effects or a shitload of papier-mache, and even then, you might not make a very convincing arm. It might just look like a giant turd. But think of the payoff. If you're a massive fan of Predator, or know someone who is, then this scene is one of those scenes that sticks in your head and will forever stick in your head. So grab some papier mache and get to work, it's gotta look convincing. And buy a toy gun which can be rattled off as the finger is stuck in the trigger.

People will talk to you all night just to figure out what the hell you are.

A Vampire

Boring right? Go to the local Hot Topic and buy one of their black shirts for some heavy metal band you've never listened to or buy one of their long trenchcoats, dye your hair jet black and pull it over your eyes. You're either going to look like a vampire, a giant douche-bag, or someone from the suburbs who thinks his parents don't love him enough.

If you want to turn the concept on its ear, don't wear dark colors. Throw them off and dress like one of the Frog Brothers and just get them where they live. Or if you're sick of dressing with your hair down, use what's left of your hair gel and brush your hair in a crazy fashion. Drop the massive black leather duster and voila, you're now Robert Smith from the Cure.

Just say yes.

Joker

Do we really need another person dressing like the Joker this year? No, we really don't. We really really really don't.

Celebrities

This is as easy as getting something ridiculously stupid and putting it together. Stripes vertical and horizontal? Put them together. You're instantly a celebrity and people will talk about your crazy fashion sense. Walk around like you have no care in the world. Don't comb your hair. Don't bathe for at least three days. Wear ridiculously large sunglasses, pout your lips, and flash a peace sign.

You're in Hollywood now, baby.

Batman

Again, we really, really, really don't need another person dressing as Batman either. Really. Really really.

Historical Figures

A simple enough idea, but one that can easily be turned on its ears. SLIMMphoto and SavageAnimal I believe mentioned dressing as Zombie Lincoln and Zombie Wilkes Booth. I love that idea. I love the idea of taking something so easy and then making it difficult by adding something to it. Something drastic.

Granted, Zombies and Lincoln don't seem to go together, so instead, I offer another variation on the Lincoln idea.

One which involves quite a few innocent bystanders.

I suggested this to two friends. One dresses as Lincoln while his significant other dresses as Mrs. Lincoln. The other friend dresses as John Wilkes Booth. They find a very public place in midtown during the middle of the day to meet for lunch. Unsuspecting patrons of the restaurant are then rewarded with a little play re-enacting the death/assassination of Lincoln.

Magic and chaos are in the air.

And that leads into my next topic.

H-WEEN PRANKS

Halloween is quite possibly the best time for pranks. We've all smashed a pumpkin or 70. We've all thrown eggs. Lit bags of dog poop. Ding dong ditched.

If you haven't, I feel bad for you.

But being an adult loses the perks of the prank as well. A lot of the pranks we may have gotten away with as kids could now be considered arson. Breaking and entering. Trespassing. They could lead to 2-5 in County. And none of us want that just because of Halloween, do we?

Think about the pranks you did have happen. Think about some of the big ones.

Think about a time when maybe you put up fliers talking about your dad as a pedophile. Tried to convince people in the neighborhood in believing that he was a registered sex offender.

Or think about a time when you put up fliers asking people to call if he was spotted in the area as he was a flight risk and the police were looking for him.

Better yet, think about a time when the prank went so far as to make people believe that your dad was actually Charlie Manson who had escaped from prison and left behind a look-alike in his place.

I have my dad to thank for a big portion of my social awkwardness, so for that, playing pranks on him was always a blast.

But just think about some of the big pranks you've pulled in your lifetime. Think about how much trouble they would get you in now. I'm not talking about going on an open cemetery in the middle of the night. I'm talking about breaking into a cemetery. Going on the hallowed ground and drinking. Going there, breaking into the area, and just partying.

We see movies with that same event all the time and it always ends in a really stupid way. Somebody dies after someone else loses their virginity. Too bad in the real world it usually just involved a lot of drinking and substance abuse.

Think about some of the pranks you've pulled in your lifetime (Gooch, I'm certain you've pulled a few). What would they do to you now? After starting at a new place of business recently, I am afraid of pulling something monstrous on a co-worker. I'm afraid to do something rotten to them.

I'm still going to, but I'm just scared of the consequences.

But Halloween is not about consequences. It's about going all out and having a blast doing it. Just don't get caught.

Spend time making an elaborate costume for yourself. Not to meet a girl. Or a guy. Think about the costume that will be most fun for you to wear and just have at it. You want to dress up as Robocop, you better get to work. You won't be comfortable, but you might have a hell of a time. You want to dress as Raoul Duke and have someone else dress as Dr. Gonzo? Get to work on that too. Not much to it, you just need a fat guy and a balding guy and some really short shorts and an open button down shirt. And a lot of acid.

Halloween is about fun. So go out there and enjoy it once that day comes.

Next time, there might be some more creative costume ideas. Beyond that, I've still got some of my favorite horror movies to drop on you and a few tidbits that may have passed by.

Horror tv shows, what happened? Why did the evolution of horror on television stop for the most part once we all grew up? What went wrong?

Did I stop paying attention or something?

There are many TV shows that you can start with when discussing horror on television. There were the shows that started the genre of horror on TV, shows that kept them running, and then the shows that just utterly destroy them week after week. I wasn't lucky enough to be alive when the first two shows started, but having seen them, I wish we could go back to that form of storytelling.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents
The Twilight Zone
The Outer Limits

William Shatner's Nightmare at 20,000 Feet