Declared a recession, and all we have to talk about is Christmas cheer? We can do better than that, right?

Let’s call this the however many blogs of Christmas I decide to write, and the first one gets to be the kick-off, where we discuss, of all things:

Every December, you can always count on a few things: A BCS mess, an NFL team winning while sucking and Plaxico Burress doing something stupid.

The Morning After | Where We Know Who the Real Winners Are (Hint: The Rose Bowl organizers)

The BCS is a mess.

Now I haven't watched the "Pickup Artist 2." But I watched one episode over the weekend. (They crowned the new Pickup Artist, Simeon Moses, on Sunday) I read the book "The Game" for work so I knew the premise of the pickup artist society and the "Mystery Method." Mystery is the host, and according to "The Game" he's even more nuts than he seems on TV.

They take nerds and transform them into players. I happen to really like nerds. I think there are other chicks who do too, why take away a cute trait? But whatever, moving on.

I was watching the women on the reality show, and I wondered, "Are women really that stupid that this method really works on them?"

1 p.m. Sunday, 30 Nov.

We arrived safely in Eliott's native land. Our hotel is quite posh. My fave perk was the Asian silk robes hanging in the closets. Holla! Eliott and I are going to hang while Mom and Dad meet the baby. Will write more after we meet him.

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     As Turkey passed yesterday I found myself trying desperately to sleep off a belly full of high calorie foods and wondering about what I bring to the table. I’m not talking about the huevos rancheros (What? That counts as a Thanksgiving dish!) I brought as a side to my in-laws Thanksgiving breakfast. I talking about what perceptions or expectations I hold about the people around me. Of course, the people around me then were family but my turkey laden brain naturally drifted towards work.
      From my perch on the couch I watched lazily as a brother in-law marked up the face of another brother in-law who had the bad judgment to fall asleep. I quickly realized I needed to stay awake despite the soporific effects of turkey. Finding something engaging to ponder became the task of the moment as I watched the sleeping brother awaken in the middle of the marking up process. The cursing and sounds of a struggle worked better than a double shot of espresso at snapping me awake enough to ponder work’s many mysteries. 
     So what unconscious bundle of memories/experiences/expectations have I put on the coworkers in current or past jobs? This was the question I used to kick start my brain. Just what part do I play in work relationships? I know it is very easy to focus outwardly on everyone else and what they do, but looking within ourselves is more of an uphill battle. But changing what we do guarantees more lasting results, Unfortunately it also takes more work….
     I’m not saying the perceptions we have of our coworkers are completely wrong mind you. Far from it, our perceptions often have grains of truth to them. The extent of truth is where we end up stumbling into the arms of trouble. If you find yourself facing the same problems found in previous jobs it’s a dead giveaway that at least some of the trouble is due to projecting.
     Many clients wander into my office complaining about their coworkers (by the way: more people quit their jobs because of who they work with rather than what they do) after a little digging we often find out they have had similar reactions in past jobs. So what is the common denominator for these clients? The individual was the only constant so much of those reactions MUST have come from, in part, the client.
     A great example of this phenomenon is when two people fall in love. The courtship period in the beginning of a relationship is usually when transference is at a peak. Each partner systematically misperceives the other as a person who can fulfill all their desires and make them feel loved in a way they hadn’t before. In a healthy relationship this bloom gradually fades to be replaced by a more realistic view and understanding of the other person. This understanding builds the foundation for an enduring relationship. As it is in a courtship, the same cycle happens in work relationships… um, hopefully less intense though.
         An emotional rollercoaster is often the consequence of not being aware of how we contribute to work interactions. Take a look around at other workplace relationships and see what dynamics come into play from BOTH parties to form a common theme of interactions. Think back to how you approach certain people, what expectations you have of people, and your respect level. Deconstruct an interaction where the outcome wasn’t what you wanted it to be. What happened on the other person’s side and then how did you feed into, start, or maintain the negative interactions.
     After some introspection I found that I had some very unfounded ideas about a couple of past coworkers. It was too late to change any relationship patterns with them but I could also see how I was headed down the same track with one or two colleagues.        Of course while we are transferring our emotional baggage onto everyone else they are doing the same to us…..

From Frink Lavawerks:

I saw a t-shirt that read "I'm not looking for Mr. Right, I'm looking for Mr. Right Now" and I chuckled because to be honest, it was kind of funny.  In reality, after giving it some thought, I changed my mind.  It's really a sad kind of statement, because in some way we are avoiding Mr. Right (and he does exist ladies) and wasting our time with Mr. Right Now.  I personally think that Mr. Right Now is holding me hostage and somehow tricking me with great sex and some romantic moments and words here and there, and what he's really trying to do is get me to stop looking for Mr. Right.  Guess what? It's working!
 
I have spent so many nights either alone and waiting to hear the latest excuse, or in bed listening to the latest excuse while I recover from having my rib cage beat up from the inside (oh great sex can be such a distraction), that I think I am going to scream.  We won't even complicate this discussion with the topic of love, because if I had a dime for every guy who "loved" me or "missed" me while he was out with the guys or going home to his other woman, or just laying up in my house on my dime and dollar, I would be rich.
 
Mr. Right Now is out there ladies, looking to sink his claws into you.  He'll buy the flowers and the drinks and the dinners to get you, but once that happens, it all changes.  He suddenly is at your place ALL the time, or needs to borrow your car AGAIN because his tags haven't come in yet.  He somehow manages to nut up your sheets, dry his ass on your towels, eat up the fridge on your plates, and do it all without a single load of laundry getting done and the dishwasher still is dry as a bone.  Be careful I say – it could happen to you – I mean it!
 
Mr. Right, I just know he' s out there – probably riding around feeling lonely and dejected because he's watching all the ladies get suckered into some raw deal with that other guy – and I just want him to stand up and say, "Hey! I'm over here.  Let me holla at you for a minute, okay?"  I just hope I listen next time he shows up…

Did you take someone home to meet mom this weekend? If you're getting serious, think about what you can live with and what you can't.

I say If you think you absolutely don't want kids and the other person does, you shouldn't get married.

P.S., this article wrongly assumes it's the women who always want the kids. No way, some women don't want kids. Sometimes it's the men who really want kids, funny, considering he won't be the one with child for nine months.

I sit here the day before perhaps my favorite holiday a bit perplexed. On the one hand I wake up each day and am reminded of my unemployment. My wife leaves for work to go win us bread (and works had for it) and I get up. It's important to me not to treat this gap in employment as a vacation and sleep in or stay out late. I stick to the same schedule. I look for jobs and play Mr. Kept Husband and tend to the house all day. Sometimes I feel the cat mocks my efforts with his lazy glares at me. I must fight through the desire to bake him in a pie. So far so good on that note.

So that constant reminder of my failure to have a job can get me down. The industry I'm looking for jobs in is very competitive. Just yesterday on one job hosting web site there were five full pages of jobs for designers. The number of writer jobs? One. Not one page -- one entry. I winced. So the risk of slipping into a dismal depression over my situation is always looming. I'm sure others have shared it. I try to stay optimistic but I know one day if this stretches too far I'll lose it. My goal is stay on top.

So, on the other hand of that lovely episode there's the holidays. When I can get past the fact that it's the most EXPENSIVE time of year I start to enjoy it. The gifts and travel and everything else add up and send my mind wandering to bad Grapes of Wrath-type place. But only for a moment, because I know we're responsible people, The J and I. This time of year brings my entire family together under one roof. We're minus one aunt who will no doubt be looking down. But we've added three little ones. An entire new generation of our family to raise. I'm thankful they -- and everyone -- are around. We've all been touched somehow by misfortune recently and when we can all come together and be merry and for just two or three hours forget all of that it's truly wonderful. That and the pie. The pie is wonderful, too.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday for the togetherness as well as the fact that it's the start of a festive season. Everything's kicked off on this day. By the time Christmas comes around the stress has piled up and by New Years Eve you're just ready to say "for fuck's sake, how much more of this celebrating and family and good will toward men can I take?" Everyone's excited on Thanksgiving and I like that.

So no matter if I let my situation get the best of me. I can remind myself of the good things that surround me with my family and great friends. It's more than enough to keep me going.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Leave your troubles at home. They won't miss you while you're gone and they'll be there when you get back. So break away and just fucking enjoy yourself for a little while.

5. Networking: 60% to 80% of successful job searches are through networking. Who you know    is often more important than what you know.
4. Volunteer/take on special projects: I should work harder to be the go-to-guy in whatever    situation I happen to be in. That means to work my tail off to find out what needs to be    done and make things happen.
3. Find a mentor: To clarify I DO have a mentor, well several mentors for parts of my    career but it would be nice to have an all around one stop shop.
2. Challenge myself: It has been a couple of weeks since I closed the lid on my last    workplace challenge, it’s time for a new one.
1. Staying current: I have several blogs and news sources for: counseling, psychology,    writing, winemaking (what it’s a real hobby!), and photography. But Higher Education,    the field I work in, is not a field I keep on top of as much as I would like.