Dear Kiss & Tell: My boyfriend and I just recently got together, and I’m having problems because he hasn’t told his ex-girlfriend, who he still talks to, that we’re now together. How should I proceed? And what should I say?

Pamela says: He hasn’t told his ex-girlfriend because he’s still keeping her on the line. You deserve better than that. She needs to know — now — that he’s taken. Why hasn’t he told her? Because he wants her back? Because he’s not sure about you? There’s no good reason she shouldn’t know he has a girlfriend.

Let me breathe. Clearly I think he’s being a jerk and there’s something really wrong with this picture.

I’m not saying he can’t be friends with this woman. Some people are adult and platonic about being friends with exes. And whether it’s an ex or just a friend, men and women need friends of the opposite sex so someone can offer opposing opinions (aka, a smack in the head when needed).

Novio is friends with some of his exes, and I’m cool with that. But they all know he’s with me now and that we’re serious. I’m secure enough in our relationship to know he’s not reminiscing with anyone or having phone/cyber sex on the side. It doesn’t sound as if you know that’s true about your man. Sounds like you don’t trust him. I wouldn’t, either, if he was keeping me a secret.

A diplomatic way to proceed: Say to him gently, “It bothers me that you still talk to your ex. I can accept that you still want to be friends, but what bothers me more is that she doesn’t know we’re together. Why haven’t you told her?”

If his answers is “I don’t know” or “It hasn’t come up” or some other bullshit, maybe you need to tell him to kick rocks. If he’s still hung up on another girl, your relationship won’t go far.

Go on to say: “I want to be with you and if you want to be with me, you need to make it clear to her that we’re together and you’re not interested in her like that anymore.

“This might not seem like a big deal to you, but it’s been weighing on my mind and it’s important to me. I hope you want to be with me, but if you’re not ready for this, holler back when you are.”

Yes, I said tell him to holler back (if you want him back, that is). You deserve a man who hollers from the rooftops that he has a woman who cares enough about him to want to stay in a relationship with him. You don’t need some guy who keeps your existence a secret.

Being single can be miserable and painfully lonely. But being on your own is better than being someone’s secret or interim lover while he waits to get back with his ex.

Damon says: There’s a reason or three your boyfriend chose to be with you. But there’s also a reason he’s keeping your relationship from his ex-girl.

Worst case, he still harbors feelings for his ex and doesn’t want to push her out yet. That would be a major issue for the relationship you two have started. An issue that might make you want to reconsider.

Maybe he’s slow to act because he’s not sure how the ex will take the news. Maybe he wants to find the right time to break it to her.

Either way, you shouldn’t have a problem approaching him, considering that you already broached the subject when he told you he hadn’t said anything to her. Why be shy about your thoughts? Do nothing and you risk letting him think his complacency is copasetic.

What should you say? That’s the tough part. Don’t give ultimatums. But let him know something’s wrong with keeping the relationship a secret. If he can’t tell the ex, he has issues to work through before your relationship can work.

You can work around that, or maybe you should just hand him this column. If I were you, I’d question why he’s talking to his ex and what her role is in his life. But that’s a question for another day.