The Unbearable Greatness of Marky Mark

I'm going to say something I never thought I'd say: I like Mark Wahlberg.

In honor of the ex-funky bunch leader's new flick, "Max Payne," I thought I'd count down the "10 Movies That Somehow Marky Mark Didn't Destroy With His Awfulness ... And Is Actually Quite Good In."

To be honest with you, when I first starting to conceptualize this post, it was going to be "10 Things I Hate About Mark Wahlberg and Why He Ruins Movies." Then I watched the "Max Payne" trailer again. Then I went to imdb.com. Then I realized something...

I kinda like a lot of Marky Mark movies.

Don't get me wrong, he's a horrible actor who can only handle about three different roles: Musician, Irish tough guy and obnoxious Boston guy.

But he does those three characters really, really well. Not to mention the fact that almost every movie he's been in (with the exception of "The Happening" and "Planet of the Apes") is highly entertaining and rewatchable.

I'm fairly certain I'll enjoy "Max Payne." Gun fights. Stunts. Ludacris. It's got just about everything I enjoy. Even pseudo-religious undertones.

Here are Ten Movies That Somehow Marky Mark Didn't Destroy With His Awfulness ... And Is Actually Quite Good In."

Honorable Mention: Invincible (2006) I just haven't seen enough, The Yards (2000) wasn't a bad movie, The Italian Job (2003) wasn't as good as the original and The Big Hit (1998) I've only seen once and can't judge.

10. Fear (1996)

Ok. I actually don't like this movie. But it's not really about the movie or about Wahlberg. It's mostly that I had a girlfriend who obsessed about this movie and lived in fear that every boyfriend she had would one day try to rape her. Needless to say, it was awesome to be in a relationship with her after this movie.

9. The Perfect Storm (2000)

He shows a bit of range here: portraying a real person, Robert Shatford, who was a crew member of the Andrea Gail. Too bad the movie isn't very good. It's a worse movie without him.

8. The Corruptor (1999)

It's a buddy cop drama. Only, stylish. And with Chow Yun-Fat. If you find this movie in a $5 bin, I challenge you to leave it there and not watch it a dozen times. [For all 4 of my female readers, this clip features him shirtless. Enjoy.]

7. I (heart) Huckabees (2004)

There are about 33 things wrong with this movie. But one of them isn't Wahlberg. He plays Tommy Corn, a firefighter assigned to help break Albert (Jason Schwartzman) out of his existential funk. He's funny and conflicted. And the scene where he hits Schwartzman in the face with the ball is really damned funny. Don't believe me, watch it:

6. Shooter (2007)

I love movies about snipers. I will defend to my death that "Sniper" with Tom Berenger is a cinematic masterpiece. And this movie will forever reserve a spot on my list of "Movies That I Can't Stop Watching the Minute it Starts." It's kind of a long list.

5. Three Kings (1999)

Was this the first (and possibly only?) action-war-political statement-comedy? David O. Russell's 1999 flick put Wahlberg alongside George Clooney, Ice Cube and Spike Jonze in 1991 Iraq. While it wasn't a knockout when it came out, it's oddly relevant now. Also highly entertaining.

4. Basketball Diaries (1995)

Cast appropriately as the sidekick to Leonardo DiCaprio. This is the second best movie on this list. It's wildly hypnotic, DiCaprio was still diving headfirst into dark roles and it wasn't much of a stretch to believe Wahlberg was a young Irish tough guy. Probably the first time I thought, "That guy that danced around in his underpants ain't so bad."

3. Rock Star (2001)

Admit it. You've stumbled across this movie on VH1 Classic. You've stumbled across it, got hooked and, next thing you know, the credits are rolling. It's entertaining. It's kinda stuipd. But Marky Mark is doing what Marky Mark does best. Acting like a musician.

2. The Departed (2006)

You would think that, surrounded by acting titans Matt Damon, Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen, Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio and Anthony Anderson, Wahlberg would've shrunk into the background and wilted like the hack that we all suspect he might be. Not. He was easily one of most memorable and interesting characters in that flick. His verbal sparing with blowhard Baldwin was one of the highlights of the movie.

1. Boogie Nights (1997)

This movie is utter genius. Every single frame of it is quotable and enjoyable. There isn't anyone else alive who could've played Dirk Diggler. Not even Nic Cage. Wahlberg is shockingly vulnerable, narcissistic, stubborn and star-struck all at once. Probably because he embodies each one of those characteristics already. But I wasn't prepared for his comic timing and singing ability. The music studio scenes are the single greatest musical scenes in the history of all movies. Strong. And "Touch" is the greatest song in a movie about porn stars ever.

Bonus Mark Wahlberg Bullet No. 1.

"The minute I realized I got to point a gun at Mark Wahlberg, I said 'I'm in,'" Ludacris said when asked why he signed on to co-star in "Max Payne."

Bonus Mark Wahlberg Bullet No. 2

He talks to animals.