An NC-17 Mother Teresa biopic ... with video

Update: Today's must watch, pseudo-sexual, blog written to intentionally entice clicks is a new trailer for a Mother Teresa movie that's rated NC-17. Or is it? And it stars Megan Fox. Or does it?

Watch to find out.

Ok, well, that's blatantly a faux-trailer. It's a movie inside of another movie. And that movie is "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" — which was a fantastic novel by Toby Young. The movie stars Simon Pegg, Gillian Anderson and Kristen Dunst.

And that clip showcases something that I've long believed: Nothing is hotter than a woman in a habit.

Ok, I'm definitely going to hell for that.

And now for something completely different.

:: I jumped the gun just a little bit yesterday. Brit will not be a lesbian stripper in Quentin's version of "Faster Pussycat Kill Kill." Though I'm not ruling out that she'll actually become a lesbian stripper. { cinema blend }

:: Since "Pineapple Express" is only about 24 hours old, it's absolutely and completely logical to start talking about a "Pineapple Express"/"Superbad" cross-over movie. Right? { geek tyrant }

:: Shia LaBeouf news. George Lucas says he won't become Indiana Jones. Phew! Dodged one there didn't we. Now, let's hope there actually isn't an Indiana Jones 5. { the guardian }

:: More Shia news. He may have to have his pinky amputated after that horrific accident the other day. How will that affect Transformers 2? I'm thinking they use it. Have his pinky transform in Hayden Christiansen. { /film }

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My (morning) rant | More effective negotiation tactic: Kicking or crying?

Not too long ago I wrote an article for Ink about the greatest living martial artist, Tony Jaa. (You can read that here if you missed it. But in summation: Dude kicks ass.)

Well, he has a new moniker now.

Craziest First-Time Thai Action Director Who Just Threatened to Disappear Forever Unless the Studio Meets His Demands and Lets Him Finish His Movie in Peace for $6 Million Over Budget in a Third-World Country.

So, what happened?

Well, because you probably don't keep tabs on Thai action directors like I do, I'll catch you up.

Jaa is writing/directing/producing/starring in "Ong Bak 2" - a follow up to the ass-kicking martial arts masterpiece "Ong Bak." A movie where he kicks more asses than Paris Hilton has outfits for her dog.

The trailer is out there. The footage was shown at Cannes. It's awesome. I've posted it on this blog at least twice. Watch it again if you'd like. I'll wait. It's that awesome.

Well, rewind a few weeks ago. Jaa disappears from the set.

Rumors swirl.

Black magic. Exhaustion. Monkey attack. Dragons?

Where the hell did he go?

He went all Dave Chappelle on us. Just up and left, sequestering himself in the jungle without telling anyone.

He returned tearful last week to the set. See, he went just a little over budget. Like $6 million over. Doesn't seem like a lot when you consider that's what "The Dark Knight" made while I was typing this.

But in Thailand, a country that's not exactly rolling in the cash, $6 million for a movie is a massive amount.

The director of the first "Ong Bak" movie, Prachya Pinkaew, has said he'll step in and help Jaa sort out the footage that has been shot.

But this is where it gets weird.

Jaa has a list of demands that he wants met. He delivered these demands on national television alongside his lawyer. And, what will happen if the studio doesn't deliver?

He'll walk away, disappear, vanish. Like Keyser Soze, he's gone.

I guess it could've been worse. He could've just walked into the studio's office and done something like this.

Here's the list, as first reported by the blog Twitch:

1. He wants an extra 55 million baht ($1.6 million) to finish the last 20 percent of the film.

2. Jaa wants the right to choose his own production crew.

3. Jaa's personal manager would have the right to oversee the accounts for the total production

4. He would have the film finished by November 30.

5. He wants details concerning the actor's fee, and his director's fee. (I have no idea what this means!)

6. Jaa would like a 50-million-baht share of the profits from distribution and ticket sales. Previously, Jaa and Sahamongkol Film agreed that he would get a 25 percent share of net revenue from those sources

7. An end to the contract that Jaa signed for acting services with Sahamongkol.

That's messed up. I remember watching "Overnight," the documentary about how "Boondock Saints" director Troy Duffy burned bridge after bridge by running through money and pissing off everyone that tried to help him.

"Boondock Saints" got a nice place on the straight-to-DVD shelf at Blockbuster and was all but dead and buried.

And then people saw it, and made it an underground cult movie. And now it's gotten a rerelease in theaters, a collector's edition and they sell shirts at Hot Topic. (Which might actually be the death of cool. Unless you really want a bad-ass Mastadon shirt ... there's really no other store for that.)

Maybe "Ong Bak 2" gets that treatment.

It was already facing an uphill battle because it's going to be a subtitled movie.

If this story stopped right here, you'd probably think this was a weird little blip. Then you'd move on to reading about candy-flavored condoms or bulletproof bras. (Or wait for my afternoon update about Megan Fox in an NC-17 biopic of Mother Teresa.)

But it gets stranger. And it gets a happy ending. Sorta.

Jaa showed up at a police station not too long after his tearful return and claimed he was being followed by "mysterious" men dressed in safari suits. (I know for certain that'd freak me out.)

He was held there for a while, until the head of Sahamongkol Film showed up to meet face to face.

They did.

And Jaa dropped his demands.

Now, will he finish the movie?

Who the hell knows.

I'm just pissed that his bat-shiat insanity means I won't get to watch him fight a guy with an elephant bone anytime soon.

Because, after this is all said and done, I'm assuming his career will be over. Studios don't shine to crazy.

Though, it should be noted that Mel Gibson continues to get work, and he's probably one of the craziest people alive. Just saying.