Wrapping up the comic-con in five minutes or less

Unless you lived under a bridge or were racking your brain trying to figure out exactly who Larry Johnson's backup is before training camp started (Kolby Smith for those who are curious) or had a life, you were glued to the INTERNETs for comic-con updates.

No, I wasn't there. I wish. I was living it up in the greatest city on earth damaging brain cells with my wife's family. It looked a lot like this.

This is for those of you who didn't pay attention to the nerd-prom in San Diego this weekend. Or, more accurately, the Hollywood-turns-fanboys-into-screaming-girls-at-a-Jonas-Brothers-show convention.

Here's a guide to everything you need to know but were afraid to catch up on for fear you'd see a grown man in a Klingon suit.

Kevin Smith is Legendary

It's hard to put my finger on why I like "Silent Bob" so much. Maybe it's because he has the sense of humor I wish I had. Or maybe it's because he's doing the things that I wish I could.

And, boy, did he have a busy con. First, he's going to be doing a three-series run at Batman with his pal Walt Flannigan. (Whether Walt Flannigan's dog is involved, I know not.)

Then, he revealed some things. He wants to do a sci-fi movie. He tried a few times to get "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" — shot in the greatest city on earth — an R-rating.

He also had the line of the con when talking to Traci Lords (who also appears in his movie about porn that was shot in the greatest city in the world): "You're like the Miley Cyrus of porn!"

Who Watches the Watchmen?

I'm in serious danger of going "Watchmen" overboard. So I'll keep this simple. I wasn't excited when I first saw the trailer in front of "Dark Knight." But, over time, Zack Snyder has swayed me.

Watch the panel. See the posters. (And, do yourself a favor, read the book if you haven't yet done so. I re-read it on vacation. Still holds up nicely.)

Terminator Salvation will shatter your perception of reality and leave you a shell of your former self

Maybe not. But, if you haven't heard, this little indie from unheard of director McG, was the talk of the con. It stars some guy named Christian Bale.

Anyway, the teaser trailer is out there and it's fantastic. Watch it here:

But what's more fantastic is the nerd-boy love on the INTERNETs about it.

That, and McG says his influences are "Children of Men" and the Bourne movies. Not bad company. And the lead writer? None other than "Dark Knight" and "Memento" writer Jonathan Nolan.

The full trailer will air before the new Bond flick. You might have heard of that one I suppose. It also looks pretty rad.

Wolverine! Schnictity schnick!

Ok. So 2009 will be the greatest year for action/nerd movies ever. The Watchmen. Terminator. Star Trek. And, of course, Wolverine.

Unfortunately, unless you were at comic-con or lucky enough to watch it this morning (like me), you can't see the awesomeness just yet. But I'll let you know what it's got: explosions, claws, Hugh Jackman, a guy with a deck of cards, some guy with a few swords, a guy that also has adamantium in his body and a young William Stryker.

It was pretty cool.

Oh, almost forgot, there's also some comics stuff

Wanted scribe Mark Millar has some Ultimate news. And Neil Gaiman, of Sandman fame, is gonna tackle the Batman.

Lightning round

:: MacGyver ... the movie!

:: Red Sonja ... that's a lot of hair!

:: Heroes ... won't suck this time!

:: Lost ... gives fans answers and prizes!

:: Evil Dead 4 ... finally, a good Sam Raimi movie!

:: Tron sequel ... awesome personified!

There were also lots of vampires (more on that tomorrow), a horrible Friday the 13th remake by Michael Bay, something about Star Trek and tons of nerds dressed to the nines — some of whom are hot ... some of whom are not.

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Blog note: Refreshed and raring to go, I'm going to make it my best effort to provide this blog with twice-daily updates (one between 8-9 a.m. and the other at 3:30 p.m.). Except today. You're just getting this one today cause I'm tired and "Pineapple Express" is on this evening. But, other than that, it's on like Donkey Kong.

Blog note, part deux: I've got some prizes for a contest this week. So, prepare yourself for the first installment of Thursday Trivia. (Hint, brush up on your Ben Stiller/Jack Black trivia.)