Pain don't hurt ... and one of my worst ideas ever

This isn't a rant. Well, at least, it won't start as a rant. If it becomes one, consider yourself warned.

No, this is good news. This is something that should make your day better.

Patrick Swayze is working again.

He's got a show coming out on A&E called "The Beast." Should be worth your time, as the Swayze can do no wrong.

(Except "Ghost," but that's only cause Whoopi turned in one of the most un-Oscar worthy performances EVER. I firmly believe that Whoopi, Marisa Tomei and the producers of Shakespeare in Love should be forced to give their Oscars to Martin Scorcese. It's downright criminal that he has as many as they do.)

If you've lived under a rock (or in some parts of Missouri) you might not know the story. Here it is.

Swayze has pancreatic cancer which, normally, is a death sentence. It's already claimed a ton of people we can't ever duplicate.

Comedian Bill Hicks. Philosopher Jacques Derrida. Pink Floyd bassist Syd Barrett. Composer Henry Mancini. Actor Michael Landon. Writer Ralph Ellison. Jazz great Count Basie.

Thanks to some experimental drugs and chemo. Swayze isn't on that list right now. Bill Hicks was gone before most people knew what hit him. Michael Landon was telling the world he had it then dead the next week.

Swayze lives to fight — and act — another day

I'm sure most people think of his career as a joke. But they're wrong. I don't quite think they realize what he adds to a movie. To our culture.

He may not have had the career revival as John Travolta. Or the critical acclaim of Tom Cruise. Or the longevity of Kurt Russell

But he's a counter-culture icon to gay men, young chicks, cougars and straight dudes.

Give me someone else with that range.

Besides David Cook apparently.

"Road House" isn't a must-watch cable classic with Lorenzo Llamas as Dalton.

"Red Dawn" isn't so dire if Travolta is taking it to the Commies.

The twist near the end of "Donnie Darko" isn't nearly as sweet and unexpected if Kurt Russell plays Jim Cunningham.

"Dirty Dancing" isn't gonna make chicks swoon if Eric Roberts is keeping people from putting Baby in the corner.

"Point Break" isn't fantastically awesome with Nic Cage behind the Reagan mask

And, mark my words, if "Point Break 2" doesn't have the Swayze involved, it's going to suck worse than anything Nic Cage has ever done, ever will do or has ever thought of doing. It'll be "Face/Off" bad. "Ghost Rider" bad.

Swayze that makes every movie he's in better. His mullet, his intensity, his devotion, his tiny tuft of chest hair. His ability to execute round-house kicks.

His ability to toe the line of irony and awesomeness.

Oh, who am I kidding? Swayze or not, "Point Break Indo" is going to suck no matter what.

I mean, the original already had the perfect ending. You can't improve upon perfection. It's not like there's been a radical revolution for how to shoot a surfing scene. Or even any new surfing style that hasn't been explored. Same with police work.

The only thing that's changed since that movie bounced onto the scene is we have two new idiot presidents to add to the Ex-Presidents gang and Tom Sizemore snorted half the cocaine on the planet.

That's it.

Keanu still can't act. Swazye still looks good with a beard. Lori Petty is still hot in an unassuming and confusing way. Gary Busey is still bat-shiat insane. (Well, he probably wouldn't be in a sequel anyway.) Surfers still rob banks to pay for their next run. And most of America still wants to punch John C. McGinley in the face for no real reason.

I mean, really, NOTHING HAS CHANGED! This "remake" is just an excuse to ... um ... show Keanu in a speed-o?

Let us know Lori Petty is still alive?

Cash in on a generation that doesn't know the beauty of Theodore Logan realizing he just stopped two bullets with his chest.

Wait, there's an idea: Remaking "Point Break" with the cast of "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure."

Alex Winters as Bodhi. Keanu can still play Johnny Utah.

Wait. Ignore that. That's the fourth worst idea I've ever had.

Coming tomorrow: Did you know they cut 70 minutes out of "The Incredible Hulk"? Well, I've seen it. And they cut out the wrong 70 minutes.

Wow, also coming tomorrow: If you like M. Night Shyamalan — and you're probably first in line on the list of people with whom I cannot hang if you do — I'll show you a movie that is really interesting and not just a cop-out cliffhanger that appeals to stupid people.

I better start writing...