Ink

They say that a win is a win is a win.

Whoever they are, they didn't watch the Wizards game last night or suffer in the stands through a 88 minutes of scoreless soccer.

The Wizards took a 1-0 lead Thursday night before most of the sell-out crowd at CommunityAmerica Ballpark had even settled in.

But after going up a man after seeing Red Bulls defender Charles Johnson (check) sent off for a vicious mauling of Herculez Gomez — and Claudio Lopez slotting home the requisite penalty kick that came from that — the Wizards played like they were down four men from then on out.

Barely putting on the pressure until the 89th minute when Roger Espinoza pushed a clever little move wide.

This isn't really a new thing.

The Kansas City Wizards have spent the last two weeks struggling to retain possession and took their sweet time finding the back of the net (80th minute goal against a 10-man Seattle squad and two goals after the 75th minute against the Fire).

But, the most important thing to take away is that, today, the Kansas City Wizards are at the top of the standings in the Eastern Conference with a game up on New England and Chicago. They're 3-0-1 in their last four games in a stretch where even the most passionate homer in the Cauldron thought they'd be lucky to go 1-2-1. They also had a sold-out stadium for a nationally televised game. And it was Tube-Top Day in Kansas City.*

*Or, when the weather has finally warmed up enough that females start wearing tube tops. Not a ton of tube tops at the CAB, but the cousin to this phenomenon was: shirtless guys with letters on their chests spelling out the name of the team they are watching. I guess the good goes with the bad.

KC travels to Toronto on Sunday looking to keep themselves out in front of the pack. A Toronto squad, it bears mentioning, that clobbered the Wizards at the season opener and knocked Chivas USA off the undefeated block on Wednesday night.

My Life in the Cauldron

Last year, I wrote about the Wizards and their rabid and raucous supporters in The Cauldron. (You can read that story if here if you'd like.) This year, I've joined them. I bought season tickets and will be setting up camp in the belly of the beast. After every home game, I'll be writing about my experiences amongst them, trying to find the stories behind the scenes and reporting on what I see on the pitch as a passionate — not passive — supporter.

Things That I Like A Lot

1. Singing after a game. I think more sports need to encourage their fans to sing and chant at the end of the game. Royals win, you cheer, then you head for your car. Wizards win, you stay standing and serenade the team until they leave the pitch like we did last night. The players all came to the end of the pitch to wave at the crowd and everyone left happy.

I think the Royals need to find a song to sing the team off the field.

A few suggestions: Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" is a great sing-along song and fits the Mexecutioner, Joakim Soria; "Closing Time" by Semisonic would be on the nose, but appropriate; Tu-Pac's "All Eyes on Me" would be just amazing, but probably wouldn't catch on with the older Royals fans; or the fans could just create their own (I'd go with a "You got beat/by the KC Royals/you got hosed/by the KC Royals" ad infinitum).

2. Michael Kraus. The kid comes off the bench and flat runs his ass off. The Wizards have no shortage of guys who just seem to run like deer in an open field: Herculez Gomez, Claudio Lopez, Michael Harrington and Josh Wolff. The conditioning of this team is just amazing.

3. Kettle Corn. Simply the finest food for a sporting event.

Things That I Hate More Than Watching Someone Keying My Car

1. Fans throwing things onto the field. What the hell is wrong with people? I realize that we are supposed to dislike the opposing team. I realize that we may be frustrated at the results at times. But there is absolutely zero excuse for someone chucking a full beer at John Conway near the end of the game.

I mean, for starters, it's a perfectly good waste of beer. For seconds, it makes everyone on the pitch and watching on TV think we are classless redneck goons.

I would've totally understood if the ref gave a red card to the fans in that situation.

2. The Wizards corner kick strategies. I don't get what they're trying to do. At. All.

3. Thunderstix. The absolute most ridiculous fan giveaway item ever. Though, it did lead to a pregame's worth of watching a herd of kids have a full-on samurai war on the grass berm.

Nice job front office guys

The atmosphere -- except for the brass band -- was amazing. The field looked great, the bobbleheads and scarves (more on that in a second) were great. They couldn't have asked for better weather, which no doubt helped pack the CAB.

Bravo guys.

Bad job front office guys

You're really gonna kick somebody out of the stadium for a smoke bomb? Come. On.

Say hi to your mother for me

Separated at birth: actor Mark Wahlberg and Wizards right-back Lance Watson?

Why Tactics Matter

Interesting that the Wizards don't really have a striker right now. Lopez, Herculez Gomez, Josh Wolff and Davy Arnaud all traded time at the top of the pitch. None of them were very effective in that role. And not one of them is a pure target man. Lopez is a creative player most adept on the wing. Wolff was a target man about 12 years ago. Gomez is too fast to be a target man and might be the best touchline to touchline guy the team has. Arnaud is much, much better as the center mid.

Just a quick stroll around the MLS shows that most of the successful teams have target man, which is essentially a big guy you can, um, target with a cross or two.

Chicago has Brian McBride, Seattle has Nate Jaqua, Houston has Brian Ching, New York has Juan Pablo Angel, New England has Taylor Twellman, Dallas has Kenny Cooper and Colorado has Conor Casey.

When the summer tactics window opens or when next year's SuperDraft comes up, getting a guy who has skills like those above should be priority number 1.

Until then, we'll have to deal with low crosses and missed chances to head home a few goals.

Or, we could just fix it all by making Jimmy Conrad a striker.

(That was a joke.)

Insult to shame

Getting kicked out of a sporting event is a time-honored tradition for drunks across the world. It's pretty embarrassing. But, when you're carrying a baby's car seat with you as the cop walks you out of the aisle, there's only so much further you can fall in society's eyes.

It's like you're walking out with a sign around your neck that says: "The world would be better off if the government took my kids away from me."

For the love of David Beckham...

The things Lopez does well: Run, cross, take penalty kicks, slot home difficult angle shots, look like he's trying to hold in a fart on the massive sign that watches over the CAB like Big Brother.

Thing Lopez doesn't do well: Put free kicks into the net, put free kicks onto the boot or head of an oncoming teammate.

Can we please get Gomez or Santiago Hirsig some reps at the free kicks. Maybe even on the corners.

Did that just happen?

The American government has screwed a lot of things up. The B-2 Stealth bomber ain't one of them. It's creepy quiet, looks like a UFO and would inspire the fear of God in me if I didn't know it was coming. I bet half the crowd didn't even notice that one flew over after the National Anthem.

Seriously, you might not hear that thing if it flew into your bathroom.

Little Jimmy and the British-ification of my wardrobe

I'm not a bobblehead fanatic (I only have two: Roberto Clemente and a Taiwanese minor league baseball player), but the Jimmy Conrad is easily my new favorite piece of stadium giveaway memorabilia. (Bonus: My wife and I walked by Jimmy as he entered the stadium. The wife said: he looks like a very attractive young dentist. I'm starting to think that bringing my wife to soccer games was a mistake.)

As an added bonus, it was the day our season-ticket holder scarves arrived. This makes me inordinately happy. As a decades-long fan of the Premiership and Manchester United, I've also wanted to have a soccer scarf. Until this moment, the Steeler's Terrible Towel tided me over. Now I've got both.

Chants worth repeating

Red Bulls goalie John Conway was making his first start of the season after serving a suspension for using performance-enhancing drugs.

This, of course, was on the minds of the Cauldron, who get 45 minutes of up-close-and-personal time to spend with the opposing goalkeeper.

Among my favorite chants:

"Just say no!"

"Hey, John, your dealer says hi!"

"Ooooooooooooooooh! You're still high!" (after goal kicks).

There was a also a banner that I couldn't quite read as it was in front of me, but it made the Wizards security staff react as if it were a picture of their dog humping a neighbor kid's leg.