Ink

I had wondered all week what it would be like to root heavily against what was one of my favorite players growing up. David Beckham was my favorite player on my favorite team (Manchester United) for most of my teenage life. My interest in English soccer and Man United started in 1994, which, coincidentally, was Becks first year with the Red Devils first team.

I think I was more conflicted than Andy Dick is about his sexuality.

To make matters worse, I spent the week leading up to the game reading Grant Wahl's exceptional book, "The David Beckham Experiment: How the World's Most Famous Athlete Tried to Conquer America." At times I hated Becks. At times I hated the Los Angeles Galaxy and it's ex-president Alexi Lalas. At times I hated Major League Soccer.

But none of it ever solved my dilemma, of how can I call my one-time idol a "wanker" and boo him when he touches the ball?

The answer, however, came within fifteen seconds of the start of the game between the Los Angeles Galaxy and the Kansas City Wizards, which ended in a 1-1 tie.

I hate teenage girls.

You couldn't have crammed more teenage/tweenage girls into CommunityAmerica Ballpark if you promised them all free pony rides and the chance to touch Nick Jonas' underwear. (With or without him in them.)

But I don't hate them in the same way that I hate Christian Laettner or the Cincinnati Bengals. No, that's wrong. After all, teenage girls haven't done anything vicious to me since, well, since I was a teenager and a string of them pounded my fragile ego into mush. Wait, why did I just write that? 

Back on point: I hate teenage girls in the same way I hate Spencer Pratt.

Mostly, I can't understand why they have so much cultural clout when they have done absolutely nothing to earn their esteemed place in our society.

Teenage girls have hijacked literature and film with their crush on wuss vampires. They've ruined music by making an untalented trio of guys that have Ned Flander's mustache for eyebrows in the biggest rock stars in the world. They also turned an entire genre (emo) against itself by supporting mysogynistic bands (like Fall Out Boy) just because they are hot. Um, I'm reminded of the image of a snake eating its own tail for some reason.

Every time Becks touched the ball last night, you could feel the squeals of hundreds of little girls in that part of your brain that stores forgotten lyics to Pantera songs. It was a grating and uncomfortable reminder that what Grant Wahl called "The Beckham Sweet Spot" is completely and horribly and disgustingly out of whack.

The "sweet spot" is supposed to be the area where Beckham the world-class soccer player and Beckham the crowd-pleasing celebrity meets.

Saturday night was the first time in a month the Wizards dominated possession of the ball for long stretches, played as a unit on defense and played geninuely attractive soccer. And, even though the game ended in a 1-1 tie, it was an engaging and enjoyable game from start to finish. Both teams had chances, both teams had inspired play and we even saw one of the greatest goals I've ever witnessed in a soccer game.

This one:

You can even watch my reaction if you'd like... though I can't think of any conceivable reason you'd want to do that. Unless you're my parents. Notice my wife and her Ink shirt. She's a company gal through and through.

But the story that will emerge out of last night (besides the Wizards FINALLY scoring their only goal of July) is not what happened on the field, but what happened around the field.* That's because Saturday night...

• Was the first of the "sellouts" this year at the CAB that actually felt like a sell-out. That's all Beckham.
• Was also the first night that we had more orange-clad media members than we had yellow-clad ball boys. That's all Beckham.
• Was the second time this season (and first time on a Saturday night in prime time) that the Wizards were on an ESPN network. That's all Beckham.
• Was the most revved up the Cauldron has been since last year's run to the playoffs. That's all Beckham.

*Though I will spend a few words stating that I think the Wizards played really, really well. And that was as enjoyable of a 1-1 game as there could have been. Lopez was all over the place, Santiago Hirsig and Jack Jewsbury formed a tenacious midfield and substitute Adam Cristman (in his first game as a Wizard after struggling with a foot injury) showed that we have a little hope for a tall target man that can link the midfield together. We'll also have both Jimmy Conrad and Davy Arnaud back for our game next Saturday in Dallas. Things are, possibly, looking up. Negatively though, they are still winless in their last 8 games. Maybe not so rosy after all.

Beckham was both hero and villain, and it's a spot that he's actually quite good at. He's public enemy #1 among true American soccer fans who feel that he's a fraud who is using the league and sport that they love to improve his bottom line and chances of playing for England in the 2010 World Cup. But he's also public attraction #1 among all carriers of ovaries under the age of 25 (and probably over the age of 40 too) and most sections of the media because he's hot (in the attractive and public relations sense) and controversial.

It isn't that he's lost his soccer skills. Far from it. He's a useful player on a good team and a guy that will work his butt off all the time. It's just the celebrity of Beckham now completely outweighs, outshines and outlasts his soccer skills.

That's not Wahl's "sweet spot," but I have to think that it is the MLS' sweet spot for Beckham. Entertainment first, soccer second.*

*Because, if their sweet spot was good soccer/good entertainment, they'd have made it easier for talented American soccer players aged 25-30 to ply their trade in the United States and not overseas. But I could spend 10 days writing about that. I'll just sum up my feelings by quoting former Galaxy player Greg Vanney from Wahl's book: "Because of the salary cap, experienced players who've been in the league six or seven years are less important than young players who can play for less money." The point being implicit. Good players with skill and composure are too expensive, while past-their prime "name" players can put butts in the seats. The example being clear: No team personified this lack of a middle class than the David Beckham-era LA Galaxy.

Since the Beckham Circus translates to butts in seats, money and ratings, the MLS will just demonically laugh and ride the ride until it stops, because that is exactly what they wanted when they signed on to bring The Goldenballs Goose to the States: butts in seats, money and ratings.

And, viewed through that spectrum, the Beckham Experience is a resounding and overwhelming success.

Too bad it means that today the Wizards are still back where they started and, when Beckham splits for Europe at the end of the season, so will the MLS.

Quick note: Unfortunately -- or fortunately, depending on how you feel about this blog -- I'll be taking a temporary hiatus from Ink due to technical and personal reasons. I'll be back somewhere around August 17. Keep on trucking.