Take it from a one-time Pittsburgh Pirates fan, sports bigamy is liberating. To read more, check out Gooch’s blog at inkkc.com/blog/charles-gooch.
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You don’t want to read another “OMG, how awful are (insert KC sports team here)?” columns any more than you want to find out that your mother was romantically involved with Meat Loaf.
You don’t need to rehash the bad times. You need to move forward and do what people in fractured relationships do: cheat. Whether it’s a passing dalliance or a relationship-killing, long-term affair, no city in America deserves to play the sports bigamy field more than Kansas City.
There are ground rules, however.
First, we won’t talk about college sports, because your allegiance to college teams is probably certified already. Second, St. Louis teams are out, given the rivalry and hatred you feel for your sister city in misery, er, Missouri. Third, we won’t suggest you root for the Dallas Cowboys, New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox. (Those franchises need no help being obnoxious.)
Last, if you’re going to pick a new team, try to choose one that’s exciting to watch, has a cool uniform and has more than a faint glimmer of a shot at a championship in the next year or two.
Let’s get this affair started with 10 teams that are OK for KC fans to support.
10. Omaha Beef
Where’s the beef these days? Omaha, naturally. And I betcha didn’t know that Beef is what’s for dinner in this aptly named Indoor Football League team.
9. New Orleans Saints
Football fans like touchdowns. The Saints score them in droves. To translate for Chiefs fans, a touchdown is when a player takes the football into the end zone. It’s worth 6 points! In four games this year, Saints quarterback Drew Brees has thrown nine touchdown passes. For comparison, the Chiefs offense has SEVEN TDs — total.
Football fans like touchdowns. The Saints score them in droves. To translate for Chiefs fans, a touchdown is when a player takes the football into the end zone. It’s worth 6 points! In four games this year, Saints quarterback Drew Brees has thrown nine touchdown passes. For comparison, the Chiefs offense has SEVEN TDs — total.
8. Oklahoma City Thunder
Young. Exciting. Regional. Named after a weather phenomenon we know too well. This is probably as close to an NBA team as Kansas City will ever get. (Oh, and they have budding superstar Kevin Durant.)
Young. Exciting. Regional. Named after a weather phenomenon we know too well. This is probably as close to an NBA team as Kansas City will ever get. (Oh, and they have budding superstar Kevin Durant.)
7. New York Islanders
This NHL team won’t win a Stanley Cup in the next two years … BUT, there’s a slight chance it might wind up as the anchor tenant for the Sprint Center. If the team moves to KC, I demand that they keep their moniker and become the Kansas City Islanders. Irony is funny.
This NHL team won’t win a Stanley Cup in the next two years … BUT, there’s a slight chance it might wind up as the anchor tenant for the Sprint Center. If the team moves to KC, I demand that they keep their moniker and become the Kansas City Islanders. Irony is funny.
6. Barcelona
If you’re one of the many people who don’t “get” soccer or who have never had a European club to follow, do yourself a favor and watch Barcelona next time the team plays on ESPN. You will be entertained (i.e., they score goals).
If you’re one of the many people who don’t “get” soccer or who have never had a European club to follow, do yourself a favor and watch Barcelona next time the team plays on ESPN. You will be entertained (i.e., they score goals).
5. Colorado Rockies
This rag-tag bunch of no-names are again the surprise wild card in the National League playoffs. When was the last time you saw a person wearing a Rockies hat in public? The team needs fans.
This rag-tag bunch of no-names are again the surprise wild card in the National League playoffs. When was the last time you saw a person wearing a Rockies hat in public? The team needs fans.
4. Any team from Seattle
You think you have it bad in KC? Seattle lost its NBA team (to Oklahoma City), watched another horrible season of Mariners baseball and has been forced to watch two teams (the NFL’s Seahawks and the MLS’s Sounders) that wear a cover-your-eyes shade of neon-puke green. The city needs your pity.
You think you have it bad in KC? Seattle lost its NBA team (to Oklahoma City), watched another horrible season of Mariners baseball and has been forced to watch two teams (the NFL’s Seahawks and the MLS’s Sounders) that wear a cover-your-eyes shade of neon-puke green. The city needs your pity.
3. Chicago Blackhawks
Three things work for one of the “Original Six” NHL teams: It has a few future All-Stars and will challenge for the Stanley Cup this year. It’s close enough for a kick-ass road trip. And their black uniforms with the red-and-white stripes are about the most awesome sweaters in the NHL.
Three things work for one of the “Original Six” NHL teams: It has a few future All-Stars and will challenge for the Stanley Cup this year. It’s close enough for a kick-ass road trip. And their black uniforms with the red-and-white stripes are about the most awesome sweaters in the NHL.
2. Boston Celtics or Los Angeles Lakers
You know you want a championship team to root for. Start with these two perennial contenders and ignore the fact that you’re becoming a front-runner fan and, thus, more annoying than fans of “So You Think You Can Dance.”
You know you want a championship team to root for. Start with these two perennial contenders and ignore the fact that you’re becoming a front-runner fan and, thus, more annoying than fans of “So You Think You Can Dance.”
1. Missouri Mavericks
Forget that the newest pro sports team to KC has an awful nickname* (though, the possibility for an awesome “Top Gun”-themed night is sort of rad). The new minor-league hockey team is our best shot at a winning squad in 2009. The season starts Oct. 16, and the first game in KC happens Nov. 13. Of course, given our luck, they’ll be out of contention by December. But here’s to our last hope!
Forget that the newest pro sports team to KC has an awful nickname* (though, the possibility for an awesome “Top Gun”-themed night is sort of rad). The new minor-league hockey team is our best shot at a winning squad in 2009. The season starts Oct. 16, and the first game in KC happens Nov. 13. Of course, given our luck, they’ll be out of contention by December. But here’s to our last hope!
*I’d have bought season tickets if they were called the Latter Day Skates, as I suggested months ago.
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