Bachelor parties can sometimes get pretty wild, like in "The Hangover," but putting a ban on them is a bad idea.
Dear Kiss & Tell: Should an engaged woman be allowed to ban her soon-to-be-husband from having a bachelor party?
Pamela says: No. If she bans a bachelor party before they even get married, when do the rules stop? No watching sports on the weekend? No getting together with the guys because who knows what they might do? That’s dumb.
Ban hookers — that’s fair — but not the whole bachelor party. Every groom deserves an opportunity to let loose a little and hang out with his boys one last time as a single man.
A lot of times, the bachelor party isn’t even about what the groom wants. His friends want to humiliate him, buy him a lap dance — even if he doesn’t want one — and get him drunk.
Roll with it.
Having the party doesn’t mean things are going to get crazy. At some bachelor parties, guys just bar hop and get smashed. Or they stay in and get smashed while watching porn.
At other parties, yes, there are strippers involved. Some girlfriends of mine have said they weren’t comfortable with that idea. Others don’t care. They just don’t want to hear about it.
It’s OK to talk about ground rules if the bride feels strongly about her man ogling other women naked. Example: “I’m not wild about the idea of you seeing strippers, but if you do go, don’t make it rain or drool too much.”
A woman should know that if her fiance loves her enough to propose, he’s not going to act a fool — well, not completely, anyway — and do anything to risk losing her.
If you’re the bride, let him do what he wants and have fun. Just tell him you don’t need to know the details. Have a little fun of your own, too. Find somewhere you can dance on a bar/table, get drunk with your friends and laugh a lot. Guys don’t have an exclusive on premarriage partying.
Damon says: A ban? No way. “Ban” and “forbid” are words you should never direct at an adult unless his/her name is Pacman Jones and you’re a judge. You also should avoid giving ultimatums or statements ending with “or else.” You won’t get the desired result.
In this case, that means the husband-to-be will probably want to party like Pacman even more.
That leaves the fiancee to question the man whose proposal she accepted. But she should know beforehand the person she’s meeting at the altar. She should have a good gauge on whether he’s the kind of guy who needs to go out with a bang.
If he’s that kind of guy and she can’t handle that, she might want to reconsider blowing (enter some exorbitant dollar amount here) on 15 minutes of lies and feeding a bunch of family and friends. I know it’s not as important as disagreeing about wanting children, but having a bachelor party is something an engaged couple should be in the same ballpark on long before the man drops to one knee.
It never should get to “I forbid thee from receiving a lap dance before you put that band on my finger.”
I don’t care to have a bachelor party. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve attended a few. It’s just not who I am or what I need to do before I get married.
Moreover, I don’t want my wife-to-be thinking it’s cool to parade around Kansas City in a party bus with 20 of her closest friends with plastic penises attached to a veil. That’s a major fail, too.
